Kitchen Dodge Ball

Simon walks in to Mark's Apartment. There are dishes, bowls, pots, pans and various kitchen appliances sprawled through out the living room. Mark is hunched down behind the living room sofa; witch is pushed over on its side and being used as a barricade from flying kitchen debris. "I love what you've done with the place" Simon quipped. It has that tornado look going for it. What happened?” Simon asked. "I might have, maybe perhaps, sort of, called your sister fat. I think." Mark replied. Dish flies overhead. "You think? I would say so. Simon stated matter of factly. Large kitchen fork is flung through the air. "I think you pissed her off. That's what I think." Simon stated bluntly. What exactly did you say about my darling sister? Bowl comes flying out of nowhere. "Well" Mark started. "All I said really was, yes." Mark hesitated. Several projectiles that resemble kitchen knives come out of the kitchen. "What was the question?" Simon inquired bluntly" Bunt pan penetrates the air with great velocity. "Do I look fat in this?" Mark answered with utmost hesitation. Several cans of Alpo dog food escape the kitchen door. "And you said yes to that?" Simon stymied" "Exactly how long have you been married to my sister? A rolling pin breaks the surface of the wall behind them. "Two years in September. "Mark answered proudly. " And not a day has gone by that I don't appreciate her for her radiant beauty" A trashcan breaks the window of the living room. "Then why on God's green Earth did you call my sister your wife, fat?" Simon inquired. Mixing bowl shatters apart on the sofa in front of them. "Um, You see, it's like, She's kind of showing." Marked replied with hesitation. A teapot shimmies across the surface of the coffee table landing in front of the sofa. "Showing what?! Showing how?! Your divorce attorney is going to be showing you papers if you keep up talking like that." Simon bellowed. "No, No, No, nothing like that." Mark answered matter of factly. Old fashioned salt and paper shakers escape though the opening from the kitchen. Landing inches from Mark's now ducked under head "Nice job honey you almost got me" Mark tried enthusiastically" A cutting board comes out of nowhere. "She's showing." Stated matter of factly. "You know her pregnancy." He filled in. Simon's jaw dropped to the ground and his eyes starred blankly at his frightened brother-in-law. "Wh Wh What Simon stuttered." "You didn't know?" Mark questioned. "I thought She told you." I'm sorry you're gonna be an uncle. Naomi's Pregnant, two months." "Congratulations sis" I always knew you'd make a great mother some day I guess that days going to be sooner than later. "Thanks sweetie." Elizabeth answered through grunts. “Ughhh! You'll be a wonderful uncle too. As for the father figure, I'm not quite sure right now.” A microwave oven breaks through to the plane of the kitchen entrance crash landing on the glass dinning room in the room between her and the men. Heavy breathing emanates from the kitchen. Elizabeth is seemingly out of breath. "You ready to talk now love muffin?" Mark asks hopefully. "I would hope so." Simon answers, finally able to stand upright and relieved that his sister was finished with her seemingly deadly wrath driven rampage. " I mean really honey you've thrown everything in there but the kitchen... "Sink!!!" The two men say together. Mark and Simon run screaming out of the front screen door kicking it off its hinges as they exit rather hurriedly. There is a sea of appliances and other objects sprawled though out the living room.